Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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