was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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