omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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