girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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