Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
