Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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