I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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