The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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