I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize