Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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