Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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