That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
