she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
