Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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