so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
