I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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