he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
