It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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