I just saw a hot homeless man
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sext me about skeletons
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
