Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
