shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
