It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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