there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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