She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
