There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
