we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
