Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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