Plan B is the new Plan A
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
