Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My balls are so social today.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
