If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
