i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
