im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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