my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
