I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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