OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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