his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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