So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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