How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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