This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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