lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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