Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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