wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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