yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
