walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
