Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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