Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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