Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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