Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
