Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
