i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
