he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
