my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
