ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
