Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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