And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
