I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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