No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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