I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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