How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
