we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
