Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
