i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
