To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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