I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
