Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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