She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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