Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
