Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
