When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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