...so i touched it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
