I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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