Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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