She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
