just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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