Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
