Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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