I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
