So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
