Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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