i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
