Yo dont text me then not text me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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