if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
