She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize