Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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