i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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