At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
