Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
